Episode 12: How To Stress Less and Manage Your Mental Health

WellnessLifestyle

May 12

Many of us deal with some level of stress at the best of times, but when you toss a global pandemic and quarantine into the mix, it’s safe to say that almost everyone is feeling anxious and uncertain right now in some capacity. While some of us have been able to take this time at home to slow down and re-connect with the things that matter, others are struggling with unemployment, health issues, insane workloads, financial instability, loneliness, teaching AND parenting their kids, and just general WTF-is-the-future-going-to-look-like anxiety.

Megan Rafuse Stress Less Teach Me How To Adult

So, if you’re feeling super overwhelmed right now, please know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and whatever you’re feeling right now, is 100% okay to feel. We’ve been feeling pretty damn stressed and a little moodier than usual if we’re being honest, so we’re really glad we are able to share this conversation. Because the more we open about how we’re feeling, the easier it is for others to share and normalize their experiences, too.

We recorded an episode with therapist Megan Rafuse a while back, and we’ve put together a few highlights from our interview that are super relevant and helpful for anyone who may be feeling stressed today. Her advice and exercises have really helped us navigate our own stress and anxiety during this time.

Megan is a mental health innovator who specializes in millennial wellness. She’s the owner of the Toronto-based therapy clinic, Shift Collab, which offers one-on-one therapy and mental health workshops, catering to busy, highly-driven young adults. We hope Megan’s advice will resonate and offer some coping strategies and stress relief, so carve out a little well-deserved *you* time and read on for our key takeaways.

How can you get out of a stressed, anxious mental state?

“As women, we tend to be givers,” says Megan. “We want to support everyone else and sometimes that comes at the expense of ourselves.” We’re often stuck in a state of what Megan likes to call “Should-ing on yourself” and “Must-erbating”, where you find yourself thinking, “I should have done this, I shouldn’t have done that”. To combat this, Megan suggests we start challenging our “shoulds” with “coulds”. Flip the script and try saying, “I could have done this, but I have compassion for myself now, so I’m telling myself it’s okay that I didn’t.”

Another helpful strategy that Megan recommends is to think of your emotional and mental wellness as a bank account, and be aware of how many deposits you’re putting in versus how much you’re withdrawing. Start by making a list of things that make you feel fulfilled, like painting, working out, watching Netflix, calling a friend, etc. Then take your list and rate each item on a scale of 0-10 (0 being minimal nourishment, and 10 being the most nourishment) to figure out how much emotional “money” each one can add to your emotional bank account..

The key here is to be compassionate with yourself, notes Megan. “If I’m having a really tough day, I might not have the energy to do something that’s a 9. [So] I might not go for a long run, I might do a 2 and watch netflix and order takeout. And that’s okay, because putting $2 in your emotional bank account is better than none. It’s about not shaming yourself.”

And we all know that a reasonable level of stress is inevitable. It’s a part of our everyday lives and that’s what has helped humans adapt and survive over time. But when you start feeling too overwhelmed and burnt out, Megan recommends checking in with yourself and asking: “What have I done recently to put money back into my emotional bank account?”

“Things like our daily commute, how much time we spend at work, and relationship challenges [are] stressors. And stress tends to compound, [so] we need to know what helps us deal with our stress in order for us to be able to cope with it,” says Megan.

This exercise has been so helpful that we created an emotional bank account worksheet for you to use.
You can download it HERE!

How can we avoid the stress and added pressure of social media?

We would be lying if we didn’t admit that we sometimes compare ourselves to others on social media. Especially when we’re stuck at home in quarantine, it can add to the anxiety that we’re not doing enough or being productive enough when we see what everyone else is up to. Megan refers to these thought patterns as “compare and despair”. We compare our current state to other people’s curated highlight reels on social media, and then we despair and project negative thoughts about our own lives. Megan reminds us that “Our brain doesn’t have the capacity to recognize that Suzy probably took 100 photos to get that one shot and she used a filter.” So when you’re going through the compare and despair rabbit hole, Megan recommends to pause, let yourself slow down, and to take a social media break.

How can we identify the areas of our lives that are stressing us out most, and find more balance all around?

“A good way to manage stress, and burn out as well, is to think about our life as a pie,” says Megan. Start by drawing a circle with 8 slices that represent different areas of your life, and then rate how you feel in each area out of 10.

The key is to understand that you’re not going to have a perfectly rounded pie: “I think it’s kind of bullshit that we have to expect ourselves to have a fully round pie. Nobody has one, we will never have one. And it’s awesome not to have a fully balanced pie, because there are some areas in your life that you’re investing more time and energy into than others.”

This exercise will help you identify areas that you’ve been neglecting and may need to spend more time and energy on. It also allows you to give yourself some recognition for the areas where you’re crushing it!

If you’re eager to start doing this exercise, we’ve created a life balance pie downloadable for you as well! Download it HERE !

How to support loved ones and set boundaries when you’re at capacity with your own mental health

According to Megan, stress and burnout wants us to isolate. When showing up for others becomes too overwhelming and you need to focus on yourself, she suggests tackling this straight on and having an open and honest conversation. She recommends saying: “Hey I know I’ve been bailing on our FaceTime dates [for example]. I really care about you and value our friendship, but I am really struggling. Can we put our FaceTime dates on hold, but can you keep reaching out and send me a text every once in a while?” This helps remove the guilt and avoidance that can amplify if you just ignore your plans with people.

It can also be hard to support your loved ones when you personally don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to take on any additional stress. How can you take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself first?! If you find yourself in this situation, Megan suggests total honesty by acknowledging that you’re both struggling and that neither of you have the capacity to support one other. Then, you could brainstorm who else you can both lean on for more support. Not sure how to broach that convo? She recommends saying: “I hear you, and I really care about you, but I also don’t have capacity [right now]. How can we support each other through this [in a way] that doesn’t feel like it’s going to drain us even more?”

How do you know if your problems are “bad enough” to seek help?

We’ve both been guilty of letting our problems fester for too long, or if our problems are even big enough in the first place to warrant talking to a friend or going to therapy. So when it comes to dealing with these thoughts, Megan’s advice is simple: “There is no such thing as ‘bad enough’. If you feel like you’re struggling, reach out. Start with the people that know and love you.”

We hope that our chat with Megan helps you find some ways to manage your stress and anxieties, and also helps you to know that you’re not in this alone.